Distracted

Recently I’ve noticed my adult daughter has not quite been herself. She does all the things in her life that need to be done like work, church, being with her human and canine families time, and quality time with her friends. Her mind seems to be on the drastic change that will happen in her future in mid- September of 2015.

Allena will be going to Akron, OH, for six months of discipleship training at YWAM (Youth with a Mission). This interlude in her young life will have several purposes. First, she will go on a mission’s trip to Haiti. (She went to Costa Rica with the youth group in 2014.)

Second, I hope Allena will figure out her identity as a Christian. (How does Jesus see her?) Third, her mother and I have unsuccessfully been able to help our daughter identify a career path. Her direction in life is floundering since she left studying Criminology at a local college.

It will all be a big change for her (dorm living in an old house), us, her parents (since we’ve never lived for a long period away from her), and her dog, Rosco, that worships her (with some fear). Though her mother knows this is the right step in her life, I’m letting go with a bit of trepidation.

Bobbi and I will be semi-empty nesters. I’ve known Allena all her life. I wonder how her brash behavior will transition into a rather conservative environment. When my daughter returns after 6 months will the personality of the young woman I cherish be there, or have morphed into something unrecognizable?

When I graduated from college in 1986, I thought my career was set and my spirituality was secure. Life changes who you are as it should. If Allena comes back similar to what she was when she left, I don’t want her hopes to be crushed.

I’m starting to believe the phrase “Once a parent; always a parent.” My daughter has a piece of my heart. She always will. Like any parent, I want better for her than I had. If you are a mom or dad, would you agree? 

What Not to Wear

It was one of my typical Saturday medicine runs to our nearby pharmacy. I was in leisure mode, and stepped out in my neighborhood in grungy clothing no man should wear out in public. I figured my outfit would be OK since the Pharmacy Technician would only see me from the shoulders up at a distance behind her drive-thru glass window.

The outfit I was wearing consisted of a worn white t-shirt (complete with a variety of tiny stains), and plaid pajama pants (in a variety of blue colors). The p.j.’s have an elastic waist with tie, and an open fly with no snap. The rubber navy blue sandals had a lime green insole. In so many words, I couldn’t put any more stylish clothing on my 329 pound frame.

Once I was at our closest Giant Eagle Pharmacy and someone on the opposite side of the window was retrieving my medicines, I looked at my left shoulder and noticed I was seeing the seams of my t-shirt. That wasn’t normal. The light finally clicked on in my head when I realized something I was wearing on the top half of my body was inside out. Things were no better on the right shoulder I noticed a quarter-size rip on the front shoulder of this lovely garment.

I was actually embarrassed I hoped no one had noticed any of this. Once I had gotten my medicine. I zoomed out of there (along with the three dog treats I’d been given for our Chihuahuas). Countless times my wife had asked me, “What is the purpose of me purchasing you nice clothes when you regularly dress like something that crawled out of our industrial-size trash can?”

My church (Eastside Community Church in Gahanna, OH) has a very laid-back vibe. Due to the consistent diabetic hot flashes I deal with regularly, I’m in shorts (during the summer) because they keep me cool. Sweats have elastic and stay in place on my ever-changing waistline during the winter. When it comes to God and my appearance in church, comfort is my choice but “inappropriate” is the overriding word.

When I do dress halfway decent, I always discover some kind of grease spot or stain at a time or place where I am powerless to make some kind of positive change in my appearance.

The one time I always look my best is at my job as a Greeter. My clothes are clean (but slightly wrinkled), face shaved (makes me look younger and feel better about myself), and hair is combed. The tan industrial-strength suspenders make me look like someone’s friendly grandpa.

(One’s pants staying up are a good thing. Suspenders allow for no movement in this department though they can cause an unpleasant sensation with the underwear.)

I think the moral of this post is quite clear. Take a quick look in the mirror over what you look like. You may be surprised what you catch that will prevent embarrassment much later. Though it may be a double standard for me to say this, dress correctly wherever you go.

A quick chore to wherever could turn into something you could never imagine (whether that happens to be good or bad). One day you may be the center of attention. How do you want people to describe what they see-“perfection” or “nasty-looking”? Think about it.

End Times

Q: Will the end of the world come through fire or flood?

Ø Shelly, S.C.

A: In the past, the world was first eliminated through a universal flood (Genesis 7). In the future, we are told one day there will be a new Heaven and earth created (Revelation 21:1-8). The scripture does not tell us how the former Heaven and earth are disposed of. (Maybe it’s somewhat like bathtub refitting where the new slips over the old).

To better understand the pandemonium of this time, I would highly recommend the FICTIONAL Left Behind series written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. It does a great job of making the chaos and discomfort of these years very understandable.  The scripture used for the plotlines are very clear.

If you enjoy the above adult series, make sure you read the teen and prequel series that are also part of Left Behind. You may enjoy viewing the 2014 apocalyptic thriller, Left Behind, with an all-star cast. (See Gone in Sixty Seconds or Less)

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Somewhere in the Middle

I believe “Franklin” and “Millie” stopped by my greeter’s station (grocery side) just to talk. Franklin reminded me a lot of a mischievous gray-haired leprechaun that had just stolen the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow with that twinkle in his eyes.

He couldn’t wait to tell me his proud news. Millie gleamed and smiled (with the look of a woman well-loved)and listened as he spoke. I got the feeling she’d learn to accept his endearing manners a long time ago.

“We celebrated our 50^th wedding anniversary last week,” Franklin said.

Lately, I’ve been trying to focus on all the positive aspects of a great marriage (see Meant to be). With a milestone like this, I like to get any good advice I can from the pros. “Congratulations, what is the secret to your marital success? How have you managed to stay together that long?”

Millie gently put her arm around her husband (since 1965) as Franklin gave some of the wisest counsel I’ve ever heard. “You marry the right person.”

With the rise of divorce today, I wondered how one could know they’d married the right person. People change throughout the life of marriage. Sometimes the person you started with is not the same one you currently have. Is love enough? Maybe these are good questions for a counselor.

I spoke up again, “My wife and I are opinionated. We tend to argue frequently.”

Millie was shaking her head this time as Franklin spoke again. “We are both rather opinionated too. I think the key is to compromise, and for both of you to meet somewhere in the middle.”

As the couple left with their cart to somewhere in the store, I thought about all the divine connections that connected me to my wife. What are the chances that the woman I would one day marry would be working for the company my organization did business with?

How many times in real life does a Robert marry a Bobbi (not a nickname)? How many couples have birthdays right next to each other (August 18^th and 19^th); mothers with the same middle name (Lou), or fathers deceased before they met, and two siblings?

As angry as I can get with Bobbi at times, I know only God could have brought us together. We each had what the other was craving for in a spouse. Bobbi wanted a man with a strong sense of God and family.

I was looking for someone to love who could be the organized homemaker to keep our dwelling happy and together in one piece (even when offspring entered the picture).

I would love to say I have all the answers to a blissful marriage, but I don’t. Neither Bobbi nor I are always pleasant to each other. We know each other’s “hot buttons,” and occasionally take advantage of that.

If you are single and hoping to be married one day, the best advice I can give is to work on yourself. Strive to be the type of person with the character qualities you would like to marry one day (in a partner). Once you are married; changes made in yourself will often have an effect (positive or negative) on the person you married. Why carry unneeded baggage into marital union if you don’t have to?

Be Aware

As a Greeter, there are two sisters (“Sabrina” and “Katie”) that occasionally come through the door I am welcoming at. Today I saw them. Both of these smiling senior siblings are close friends, wear glasses, and have spiked “salt and pepper” gray hair. Katie has a surprise for me that is obvious as soon as she walks in the door.

With a smile on her face, active Sabrina positively faces the challenge of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) in her life with a mobile unit of oxygen. Sabrina greatly enjoys shopping with her sister. She is dependent on Katie to keep her on task with her shopping list. (Of course, most stores today would prefer customers to be unfocused, and buy everything around them.)

In their most current visit to the store, I discovered Katie had gone on vacation (minus Sabrina) to the town of Kennebunkport, Maine, summer home of two former Bush presidents and their families. On a particular day of her vacation, Katie decided to rest her arm on a nearby car. (This is not the wisest with all the car alarms these days.)

Before making that decision, Katie should have checked to make sure an automobile was actually there. She did not. There was nothing that could be done to stop the fall that was bound to happen in just seconds. When it all came down, Katie’s face took the brunt of this incident on the unforgiving asphalt.

Though Katie’s face was a mess, a doctor verified her eyesight and teeth weren’t damaged. Katie thought it might be best not to call Sabrina about this. She knew her sister would worry, and there really was nothing she could. Instead she’d show Sabrina her face up close and personal when she returned from her time of “relaxation.”

Katie’s surprise for me was a new look on the left side of her face that I didn’t particularly like. The words that came to mind at that moment were “raccoon” and “ouch.” On the left side of Katie’s face was a purple bruise that went intermittingly from the top of her eye to the top of her cheek.

To add to all the reddish-purple was a slightly yellowish hue on the rest of skin surrounding this area.  On the positive side of this fiasco, I told Katie as long as she had this bruise she would be the topic of conversation wherever she went.

When in unfamiliar surroundings, always be attentive to what is around you. Be careful to only do activities that appropriate and safe for you no matter what the obvious might appear to be.

The scripture passage, I Peter 5:8 (MSG), emphasizes the importance of being watchful in the spiritual realm. “Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping.”  Wherever you are in your life it never hurts to be as prepared as is possible.

Wrong Together

If you think about it, there are some combinations that just don’t work. Let me mention a few items, and see what visual images come to mind. For example, think about groupings of furniture, people, food, pets, faiths, and clothing styles.

Our female Chihuahua, Lola, and her Easter dress are described in the post She’s a Lady? Chico is our male dog you may have read about in my post called Nail It Down. My non-medicated adult daughter, Allena, thought it would be hilariously funny to put my wife’s dog in a very feminine dress.

Chico was in no way amused. The tight Velcro on his belly (to fasten the dress on) didn’t put him in the most cheerful mood. The pacing that was done by Chico after getting dressed matched the sour look on his face. I could almost read his mind as his thoughts flowed out something like this, “I’ve given this family the best years of my life, and this is the way I get treated.”

When pacing didn’t get the frilly dress off, Chico’s next option was to roughly slam himself into his blanket hoping the humiliating clothing would magically slip off. When my daughter eventually left the living room for her room on the second floor, Chico was happy when I freed him from his venture into the land of Femaleworld. He hoped to never return to this prison again.

A good friendship takes time to come together in the right combination. Just like you can’t rush a good recipe because it takes time for that item to come out the way it needs to. Take your time in really getting to know someone. If the connection does not happen at first, be persistent and try again later. You can never know what your presence might mean to someone else. Don’t give up on that person no matter how cranky (or uncooperative) they might be.

 

Serve It Up

When I think of models of biblical individuals who were big on service two names come to mind, which are the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37) and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). One aided a wounded man and the other made sure Jesus was comfortable in her home. You may know of someone that thrives emotionally when they are helping those in need. They can always be counted when you are in a pinch (or your back is up against a wall).

Ever since I’ve known my wife, Bobbi, she has been the person that has always gone above and beyond in her life with me. If I ever needed her to go above and beyond what was required, today was that day. Ninety-Five year old Edna had just finished her grocery shopping, and was sitting on a bench (near the front of the store). Edna’s ride had not showed up, and she asked if I could ask guest services to call her a taxi cab.

Edna had no cash with her, and wanted to know if payment for her ride could be paid for with a check. The answer was “no,” and the estimate for payment to her nearby home was $45. It was decided that was unreasonable. I knew there was no way that I would be allowed to take Edna home while on the clock.

I knew someone that would want to be of service if she could safely do it before her counseling appointment. As soon as I called Bobbi, and she agreed to help with a car ride for a stranger on her day off, I knew Edna (and her groceries) would make it safely home (and they did).

I whispered to Edna (before I went on lunch break) that her ride was secure with Bobbi, a store employee and my wife. She thanked me, and I left to go to the break room to eat and rest my legs. When I got back my wife and her passenger were gone, someone else had taken Edna’s place.

A rattled red-faced “Millie” was explaining to one of my leads that she had been waiting in the parking lot (in an unfamiliar car to Edna) for an hour and a half. Millie was a bit upset she could not reach Edna by cell phone, nor could I reach Bobbi (who at that moment was unloading groceries into Edna’s home).

After the fact, there were two questions I wish I would have asked Millie. If it was known Edna had a failing memory, why not wait for her inside the store? Why didn’t the chauffeur notice Bobbi loading Edna into an unfamiliar car? Why hadn’t someone suggest Edna call Millie before things got going?

It’s very important to let any modern-day “good Samaritan” know how much you appreciate all they do. Their acts of kindness are not done for recognition. (They may not even recognize their extraordinary acts of service.)

Being a grateful recipient transforms you into something truly wonderful. You become a more positive individual others desire to be around. I hope you can gain the serving volunteer spirit of my wife; others in this world need what you have.

Meant to be

It was the Sunday after Independence Day 2015. It was 5:15pm, and I was in the parking lot headed to my car after a challenging four hour work shift. For some reason, I decided to strike up a conversation with “Dave” who was loading the trunk of his car up with the groceries he’d just purchased from the store I’d just exited.

We both discussed the details of our jobs that involved lots of standing. While I was a greeter, he was a golf instructor. I looked with great longing at the wooden stool that lay in the trunk of his car, and wished we were allowed to use something like that.

t would take a lot of stress off my arthritic left knee. I told Dave the only reason I stayed in this job is because I felt this was where God wanted me.

I told Dave my great joy would be employment in the field of writing (if jobs were available). I mentioned the books I’d published, and the blog I currently kept. I then mentioned to Dave the forty day marriage challenge I was undertaking in The Love Dare, and examples of how it worked.

I hoped to improve me as a spouse and the quality of our marriage. I told Dave the effectiveness of this journal had been demonstrated in the movie Fireproof (starring Kirk Cameron). I told Dave I had noticed a difference in both Bobbi and me in the eight days I’d been participating in the process.

Dave told me he was currently separated from his wife, Annie, and was right now living in Worthington, OH. He wanted to reunite with Annie, but knew changes needed to happen.  He had intended on going to church that morning, but woke up late. He decided to tune in to Joel Olsteen instead.

Dave then told me something like, “I think God meant for you to stop and see me.” Before I left for my car, I once again recommended Fireproof for a working model of The Love Dare. I told Dave complete honesty in the journaling was important. I explained that maybe if Annie saw Dave making an honest change in his life who knew what could happen.

I gave Dave the address to my Encourage Me blog, which he recorded in his phone along with the other information I’d given him. I suggested he read the post Simply Unforgettable.

 I mentioned to him the fighting Chihuahuas in the first part of the love letter to Bobbi as an example of the vicious fighting I’d done in the past with my wife. Dave said he’d owned mixed-breed Chihuahuas, and knew of the kind of hostility these dogs can have in a moment of anger.

Sometimes you have no idea why you do what you do. It just seems right at the moment. As in the above story, you may not fully understand the healing you may have brought into someone’s life just with a simple conversation. Why not be an agent of change in a stranger’s life. Putting your heart out there may be exactly what someone is in desperate need of. Believe it or not, God may be whispering to you to stretch yourself in ways you could only imagine.

 

Letter from Mother to Daughter for Mother's Day by Spring in the Air

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter: "My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. 

Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "