Forgivers

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” (Ruth Graham)

For Christian married couples all over the world, the familiar scripture passage of Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG) creates a challenge for husband and wife alike. Why are gender roles so important in marriage? God designed marriage, and when people do not follow His design, the marriage is destined for troubles. The issue is how both members of the marital union can embrace the admonition below without losing the essence of who they are:

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.  Wives understand and support your husband’s in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor since they’re already “one” in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

Like the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of a company, the Heavenly Father’s intended plan for a family is that the man be in charge of it. Husbands should positively influence the existence of his wife and children. Leadership (not dictatorship) should not be the goal.

God created men and women with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. A husband and wife can help each other by meeting the other person’s needs through grace and gentleness.

Husbands should influence their families in accordance with biblical teaching. They should exemplify with their actions attributes that bring glory to God. The outgrowth of a spiritual husband is a confident, moral family.

A husband will never influence his wife if he does not give her companionship. He can demand, and she may follow. He will never have her heart unless he provides for her needs, cares for her well-being, and protects her in every way possible. The relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be one of love, respect, and support.

“The role we have as wives is that of encouraging and helping our husbands. When we try to make it any more, or any less, that's when we run into trouble. My mom used to teach a young married couples class, and I will never forget her most valuable nugget of truth. She always told them that the husband is the head of the home, and the wife is the neck. The neck supports the head, and helps the head to fulfill its duties.” (Beth)

Although males and females are equal in relationship to Christ, the Bible provides these specific roles for wives:

Mentors: “By doing this they will teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. They will teach them to be wise and pure, to take care of their homes, to be kind, and to be willing to serve their husbands. Then no one will be able to criticize the teaching God gave us.” (Titus 2:4-5, ERV)

Witnesses: “In the same way, you wives should be willing to serve your husbands. Then, even those who have refused to accept God’s teaching will be persuaded to believe because of the way you live. You will not need to say anything.” (1 Peter 3:1, ERV)
Examples: “In the same way, the women must have the respect of others. They must not be women who speak evil about other people. They must have self-control and be women who can be trusted in everything.”  (1Timothy 3:11, ERV)

There are important ranks in the design order of the family unit. They are Christ, the husband, the wife, and then the children. Everything works in a certain way. You would not expect to walk into a doctor's office and be greeted by the doctor, measured and weighed by the receptionist, and then treated by the nurse. God's order for the family unit runs smoothly when done His way.

In Proverbs  31:10-31, we a wise woman can be of value to her family in many ways. They include the way that she cares, provides, protects her family, and how she gives of herself to others for their greater good. She fulfills all her many everyday jobs with grace and strength. A wife can choose to be an asset to her husband. Her value in all areas of a man’s life can be indescribable.

“Marriage: If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.” (F. Burton Howard)[i]

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[i] Sources used:

·        “2. Foundation Two: Gender Roles in Marriage” by Greg Brown

·        “Role of Husband in the Bible” (http://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm)

·        “Role of the Wife in the Bible” (http://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-the-wife-in-the-bible.htm)

This topic was suggested by my wife, Bobbi Kinker.