Friday, October 20, 2017

One Day

“We are born in one day. We die in one day. We can change in one day. And we can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in just one day.”  (Gayle Forman, author of Just One Day)

How do you handle life's impermanence (or passing)? Is it a positive or negative topic to you (as you age)?  We can do well with life’s challenges as long as we are willing to adjust to change, and then move forward.  To adjust to life's impermanence in a healthy way, we must allow ourselves to feel our feelings, get involved with support groups, talk to people, seek therapy, and truly deal with the emotions involved. 

People often deal with life’s impermanence by overly involving themselves in work, becoming addicted to television or the Internet, immediately jumping into another relationship, or eating excessively.  The list of what people do instead of dealing with life's changes in a healthy way is infinite. 

Most of us don't adjust well to life's impermanence (like death).  If we realize that life is impermanent, and that there's nothing we can do to get around this fact. We will be better off emotionally.  We must flow with life, adjust to change well, and realize that nothing in this world is guaranteed. 

Change happens to everyone.  We need to feel, adjust, and then make the most of what life has given us.  Wallowing in self-blame won't help.  We may have been the cause of the change, but blaming ourselves won't help us to adapt to it.  We can adjust to anything as long as we are willing to let go of our belief that life has to go a certain way. 

Let's promise that no matter what life has thrown at us, we will adjust.  We won't be self-critical, we won't stay stuck.  We'll feel the feelings of loss and sadness, and then we'll move on and make the most of our lives with what we have.  When we adapt to life’s impermanence, we’ll proceed better. When we numb it, life will be more difficult in the future.  We must choose to adapt, because doing so will aid us in the future. Here are six lessons on embracing change:

1.   Accept change: I desperately tried to prevent and stop change from happening in my life by trying to forge ahead even in pointless situations. Instead of resisting, allow change to unfold and try to understand what’s transforming and why.

Circumstances will not turn out the way you want them to, and it’s perfectly all right. Embracing the situation can help you deal with the change effectively, make the necessary shifts in your life to embrace the change, and help you move forward after the event.

2.   Acknowledge change: For the longest time, I refused to believe that change was in the realm of possibility in a situation. I’ve since learned that change can happen quickly and at any point. Be aware that change can happen in your life.

This means understanding that things can, and will be different from how they are now. Acknowledging change is allowing it to happen when it unfolds instead of approaching change from a place of denial and resistance.

3.   Embrace the wisdom: The more you permit impermanence in your life, the more you grow as a person. Embracing change will bring newfound strength in your life and more inner peace. When you proactively embrace change and learn to accept it as a part of life, you are filled with more calmness, peace, and courage.


When life fails to shake you up with its twists and turns, you realize that changes can’t break you. You’ve reached a level of understanding in life that some might even call wisdom.


4.   Learn from the experience: If you accept and embrace change, you will start looking for and finding lessons in it. When dramatic changes happens in life, you can refuse to acknowledge them at first, it can leave you distraught and without meaning.

Once you reflect back, and accepted the changes, the lessons you absorb can be profound. Change becomes your greatest teacher, but only if you give yourself permission to learn from it.

5.   Recognize you’re growing stronger: When you accept, embrace, and learn from change, you inevitably grow stronger. The ability to continuously accept change allows you to become as solid as a rock in the midst of violent storms all around you even if you feel afraid.

6.   Reduce expectations: You can have reasonable expectations of how you’d like something to turn out, but you can’t connect yourself to that result. Reducing or having no expectations about a relationship, a business, or a situation can help you accept whatever may come from it.

I’ve learned that nothing lasts forever. When you set reasonable expectations, and don’t expect a particular outcome, you’re better able to manage any changes that do come your way.

Unreasonable expectations of life will likely be met with disappointment.  While by no means have we all reached that place called wisdom, you’re working through your aversions to change. Openly welcome and embrace it.

When you can accept change, learn from it, and become all the better for experiencing it, change is no longer your enemy. It becomes your teacher.

“Life's impermanence (I realized) is what makes every single day so precious. It's what shapes our time here. It's what makes it so important than not a single moment be wasted.” (Wes Moore) [i]




[i] Sources used:

·        “6 Life Lessons on Embracing Change and Impermanence” by Vishnu

·        “Adjusting to the Impermanence of Life” by Robert Puff

Inspired by the Netflix movie Our Souls at Night (starring Jane Fonda and Robert Redford)

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