Have you ever admired a co-worker who’s able to pilot through demanding situations with professionalism even with difficult personalities involved? This person can deflect anger and frustration in the problem-solving process, and won’t settle for an outcome that would sacrifice their self-respect among their contemporaries.
What being exhibiting is a key personality attribute that’s important in both business and life: assertiveness. Some of us avoid confrontation while others have tempers that go off at the slightest provocation. Assertiveness requires skill and takes time to cultivate, but it’s a quality you should aspire to master.
Being assertive is a happy medium between the two extremes of aggressive and passive. While aggressive people adopt the “my way or leave” position, they come off as hostile and abrasive. Passive people can be pushovers. They give up their power and allow themselves to be taken advantage of, which creates a formula for resentment and exhaustion.
Assertive individuals tend to seek out and create winning scenarios. Assertive people understand the value of making their desires and beliefs known. Their pride isn’t damaged if their solution isn’t the one that’s chosen.
These people are confident and assured. They approach situations with objectivity, communicate clearly, and work through challenges in a low-stress, no-drama, and self-honoring way. Below are important reminders for those who wish to become more assertive.
·
Keep growing
emotionally: The more you learn will mean the more connected you can feel
to your skills and knowledge. Confidence is rooted in knowing yourself, your value, and the things
you can offer to the world around you. Continue to cultivate your career, and
acknowledge how your efforts and strengths bring benefits to your work
environment.
Have patience with yourself as you make these changes. You may stumble
through difficult conversations or lose nerve at the last moment. That’s okay
because many new things are hard at first,. Building a direct communication
style is a process.
·
Know your
boundaries: Learning and respecting your personal boundaries is an
important step toward regulating stress and frustration. Taking on extra
projects despite missing important family events, or continuing to answer work
emails from your bed despite the interference with a proper night’s rest.
Burnout is made of these ingredients.
Think about what you can realistically expect of yourself,
and respect your limitations. We are all bound by our humanness and by time.
There is no getting around those things even if deadlines are threatening.
Everyone benefits from your direct communication. Being exhausted or resentful
is not only miserable. It keeps you from performing at your best.
·
Know your
rights: Educate yourself on the things you’re entitled to in your
workplace. The big wall of posted notices in your lunchroom, your employee
policy manual, and your job description.
Learn the legal and ethical boundaries of what you can expect from your work
environment.
If you are being subjected to mistreatment, there may be
protections in place to help you. Knowledge can help empower you to seek what
you need.
·
The difference
between assertive and aggressive: Many people
quiet their voice because they have come to believe that speaking up is
synonymous to being bossy, pushy, or disrespectful of other people. Being
assertive does not have to be any of those things. It means to value your own
thoughts, feelings, and voice as well as those of others. You can continue to
be a kind, likable person while communicating directly.
Assertive communication’s goal is to create the best outcome for you in cooperation with
the others in your workplace. “I disagree with that” is assertive, honest, and
opens up further conversation to move toward resolution. “What kind of stupid
idea is that?” is aggressive and minimizing. It shuts down conversation.
·
Prepare and
practice: Prepare to be assertive at work with a journal, therapy, or close relationships.
Imagine what it might be like to communicate something difficult to your
coworker or boss. Ask yourself the following questions: What is my goal? What
do I want to say? How would I like to say it? Act it out in your mind by
practicing both the ideal scenario and the scenario that scares you the most.
Try talking it through with a loved one who would be open to
role playing. Say aloud what you would like to communicate at work. Consider the phrases that are often difficult
for you to say, and rehearse them for future use.
·
Recognize your
value: Nurture a realistic and respectful perspective on your value
as a person. Many people struggle with attributing their failures to internal
flaws, and their successes to luck. This contributes to a sense of worthlessness.
Take a step back and think about what you contribute to your workplace.
For now, try to quiet any internal criticism
that wants to scrutinize your flaws, mistakes, and failures. Those thoughts can
evoke shame
and cloud your ability to see your positive attributes. Take a balanced
inventory of who you’ve been at work. Note both good things that you’ve done,
and anything you might want to improve on.
“The practice of
assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values
and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the
reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the
willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in
appropriate contexts.” (Nathaniel Branden) [i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“6 Tips
for Being More Assertive at Work” by Cristalle Sese
·
“How
to Be More Assertive at Work (Without Being a Jerk)” by Melody J. Wilding
Dedicated to my wife,
Bobbi
Thank you so much for the advice! I am forwarding this to a friend. She is truly an amazing chick trying to find herself in this world filled with so many aggressive folks. God bless!
ReplyDelete